When Life Feels Out of Control
You're right where you belong.
Earlier this week,
I watched my little girl playing with dominoes. But not just any old game of dominoes. She built an epic masterpiece, a sprawling metropolis of tiny plastic tiles that wound its way across the living room, under the chairs and over the coffee table.
Every detail was painstakingly planned, every turn a calculated risk. Her goal was to fill the entire room with her creation.
Until it happened.
One domino fell, and a chain reaction of click-clack-click echoed through the room, each piece falling in succession until the entire creation was in shambles.
One moment, everything was beautifully ordered, and the next, chaos reined.
In the split second after everything fell apart, I recognized the panic in her eyes.
How many times have I felt that way—standing in the wreckage of my best-laid plans, feeling the weight of dreams deferred and expectations unmet?
(Too many times to count.)
In the adoption world, the wreckage can look like:
endless waits and unbelievable heartache
more tears than laughter
past traumas surfacing in unexpected ways
misunderstood emotions or motives
diagnoses you never could have anticipated
And it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or let the chaos consume us.
If you’re anything like me, you may even want to trace the destruction back to what tipped that first domino: Was it something I did? Something I said? Maybe I didn’t have enough faith? Did I misunderstand my calling?
Maybe most importantly: Will life ever return to normal?
I even wonder sometimes if
we worry that choosing to foster or adopt was the first domino to tip all the rest. As in, would life be better—simpler, more peaceful—if we hadn’t pursued foster care or adoption in the first place?
(I said it out loud. You’ll find that I do that in these weekly letters.)
And here’s my answer: Maybe. But simpler doesn’t always mean better.
Simpler doesn’t reach vulnerable kids or make an impact where it’s most needed. Simpler doesn’t teach us the profound lessons that only come from stepping out in faith and courage.
Your life may feel out of control at times, but that’s not a sign that you made the wrong choice. It could be a sign that you’re doing things with your life that actually matter.
In the meantime, I understand the questions you ask in the quiet moments, and the relentless doubts that creep in when the house is silent and your heart is loud.
Your yes to foster care or adoption was not the catalyst for chaos. Brokenness is the catalyst for chaos.
Here are 3 quick thoughts when life feels out of control:
It’s okay to struggle. Parenting is hard. Foster care and adoption can add layers of complexity. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling.
Your love matters. Even in the mess, even in the chaos, your love is making a difference. It is seen, felt, and valued. Your child might not always show it, but your love is worth every single moment of effort. (Take it from me as an adoptee.)
This is a chapter, not the whole story. Right now, things might feel out of control. But this is just a chapter in your family’s story, not the entire narrative. Lord-willing, there will be other chapters filled with healing, growth, and joy. Hold onto hope. It’s okay to believe that better days are ahead.
It’s in these moments, when everything feels out of control, that I want to remind you of a simple yet profound truth: you’re right where you belong.
Yes, even—especially—when life feels out of control, you’re right where you belong.
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XO, Trisha
What I’m reading this week: Raised to Stay: Persevering in Ministry When You Have a Million Reasons to Walk Away by Natalie Runion
Bonus: This week, I finished reading Harry Potter, book 1 aloud with my kids. Chapter 17 had some seriously beautiful quotes.
What I’m loving this week: My fellow adult adoptee friend, Amanda (whom I definitely want you to meet at some point) was talking about adoption and said, “The trauma [in my life] when viewed rightly and understood through Truth, has proven to be an asset to me.” Here’s the context.
Whew. I’m still thinking about that 5 days after she said it.